the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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