My friends, they love my intelligence
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
