The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
