I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize