i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize