Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
