first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize