the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't deserve a penis
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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