Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
