it was like eating out sand paper
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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