you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
