It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
