i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
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