Porn is love you can see.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
