Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
