WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
