I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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