My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
