I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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