do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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