I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
