.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize