perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
