Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
