I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
