Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
