Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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