I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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