Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
this hospital has no fireball
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize