If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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