I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
How's work?
Spinning.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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