i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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