someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
