I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
