Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
