My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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