you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he was CRYING into my vagina
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize