Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
