Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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