I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
