??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
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