I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
