If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
