I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize