her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
