I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
