Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
