I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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