I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
