I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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