She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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