dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
