Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
