I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
