I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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