just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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