she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
