I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the day after is always just damage control
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
