Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
