I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
