So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
