Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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