i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
