Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
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