we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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