Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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