just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
