a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
