I puked a lego.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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