so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
